he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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