She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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