Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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