i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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