party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
