I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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