u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize