Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
