I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
