Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
