ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
