Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
