Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
