we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
