I hope mine doesn't look like that
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm just crazy horny about you
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
