Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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