I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
