He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
