What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
