My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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