you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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