where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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