She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
