So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Walk of Shame today included voting.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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