New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize