So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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