I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
