matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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