dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
