I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Couch. On fire.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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