Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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