Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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