WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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