i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
