how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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