I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
