I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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