oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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