That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
