Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
