I am puke
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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