If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the condom got lost in my hair
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
