If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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