So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
