Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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