You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
