Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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