would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
