Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
