i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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