She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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