First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
