Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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