you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
