i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize