He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
