Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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