I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
