I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
