I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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