He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize