So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
