We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
