and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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