She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
