Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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