I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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