I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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