I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
are you so shy because you have an std?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
