I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
