the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
