Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
