I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
