Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
