This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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