We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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