I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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