i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
