There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
