I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
