I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize