i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
