I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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