I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
